#HoldMyPopcorn 🍿 🎥 Thursday, December 17th at 7pm PT
with @DrueKataoka & @SwanSit Hollywood’s best kept secret: The Room where STARS are born. Hilarious group readings. Virtuoso solo performances. Listen to & deliver iconic movie scenes with lots & lots of attitude. Join us on stage or listen in and laugh with us. Our next movies will be:
A Christmas Story (entire script here)
Mean Girls (entire script here)
CLICK HERE to sign up! Limited spots. First come - first serve.
A Christmas Story - Scene 1: “I Double Dog Dare You!”
Flick: You’re full of beans and so's your old man.
Schwartz: Oh yeah?
Flick: YEAH!
Schwartz: Says who?
Flick: Says ME!
Schwartz: Oh yeah?
Flick: YEAH!
Schwartz: Well, I double-dare you.
Narrator: The exact exchange and nuance of phrase in this ritual is very important.
Flick: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb.
Schwartz: That’s cuz you know it’ll stick.
Flick: You’re full of it!!
Schwartz: Oh yeah?
Flick: YEAH!
Schwartz: Well, I double dog-dare you!
Narrator: Now it was serious. A double dog-dare. What else was left but a "triple-dare you"? And finally, the coup de grace of all dares... the sinister triple dog-dare!
Schwartz: I triple dog-dare you!
Narrator: Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple-dare and going right for the throat.
Flick: All right, all right.
Schwartz: Well Go on smart-ass and do it!
Flick: I’m goin. I’m goin.
Narrator: Flick’s spine stiffened, his lips curled in a defiant sneer.
There was no going back now.
Flick: This is NOTH——- Stuck? Stuck? STUCKKKK!!! STUCK!!!!
Schwartz: Hey it really works!!!
Flick: SCREAMING AWWWW
A Christmas Story - Scene 2: “Fragile - That Must Be Italian!!”
FATHER:
Here, bring it right in, fellas. That's it. Here we go.
A little more. Little more.
That's it.
Watch the lady!!
Thanks a lot, guys.
Merry Christmas.
Get the crowbar and a hammer, Ralphie. Go on.
"FRA—GEEE——-LAY!"
That must be Italian.
MOTHER:
I think that says "fragile” honey.
FATHER:
Oh….yeah.
Here we go. Jeez Louise—-They did a job on this, you know? (GRUNTING AS HE OPENS PACKAGE)
Now, here, Ralph, hold this.
There could be anything in there!
Jesus!
MOTHER:
Maybe they forgot.
FATHER:
It's in there. It's gotta be in there.
OH BOY - OH BOY - OH BOY —-Would you look at that? Would you LOOK at THAT???!!
MOTHER:
What?
What is it?
FATHER:
It's a leg!
MOTHER:
But what is it?
FATHER: Well, it - it - it -it’s a LEG!!
You know, like in a statue.
MOTHER:
A statue?
FATHER:
Yeah, a statue!
RALPHIE:
Yeah, a statue!
MOTHER:
Ralphie!!!!!
NARRATOR:
My mother was trying to insinuate herself between us and the statue.
FATHER:
Holy smoke, would you...
Do you know what this is?
This IS a LAMP!!.
NARRATOR:
It was indeed a lamp.
FATHER:
Isn't that great? What a great lamp!
MOTHER:
I don't know.
FATHER:
Here, hold it. Hold it. Here, go on!!!
NARRATOR:
The old man's eyes boggled...overcome by art.
FATHER:
I know just the place for it.
Right in the middle of our front room window!
MOTHER:
Uhhhhh -
FATHER:
Isn't that glorious?
It's indescribably beautiful. It reminds me of the Fourth of July!
Turn off all the lights.
I wanna see what it looks like from the street!!!!
MOTHER:
Couldn't we talk this over?
A Christmas Story - Scene 3: “The Soap Scene”
RALPHIE:
Over the years, I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap.
My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice...
piquant, after-dinner flavor.
Heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness.
Life — boy, on the other hand... UGHHHHH
MOTHER:
You ready to tell me?
RALPHIE:
Ewwww Rrgguhah ugharhglgh (Unintelligble)
MOTHER:
All right. Where did you hear that word?
NARRATOR:
Now I had heard that word at least 10 times a day from my old man.
My father worked in profanity the way...other artists might work in oils or clay.
It was his true medium. A master.
But I chickened out. And I blurted out...the first name that came to mind.
RALPHIE:
Schwartz!
MOTHER: Ohhhhhhhh.I see.
Hello, Mrs. Schwartz? Yes, I'm fine.
Mrs. Schwartz, do you know what Ralph just said?
MRS: SCHWARTZ: No.
MOTHER: He said...
MRS. SHWARTZ: NOOOO -Not that!
MOTHER: Yes, that.
Do you know where he heard it?
MRS. SCHWARTZ:
Probably from his father.
MOTHER:
No! He heard it from your son!
MRS. SHWARTZ:
What? What?? WHAATATATTTTT?????!!!!!! (SCREAMING)
SCHWARTZ: Ahhhhh Ahhh What'd I do, Mom? (Crying) Wahhhhhhh!!!! I didn't do nothing! WAHHHH!
NARRATOR: Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice!!!
MEAN GIRLS - Scene 1: “Fifth Sense” 0:33 - 1:14
Intro: After Aaron Samuels dumps Regina, Karen tries to cheer her up by asking her if she wants to go to Taco Bell. Regina yells, “I can't go to Taco Bell I'm on a carb-protein diet! God, you're so stupid, Karen.” In this next scene, Cady (pronounced Katie) tries to console Karen.
CADY
You're not stupid, Karen.
KAREN
No, I am, actually. I'm failing almost everything.
CADY
There must be something you're good at.
KAREN
I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Wanna see?
CADY
No. That's OK. Anything else?
KAREN
I'm kind of psychic. I have a fifth sense.
CADY
What do you mean?
KAREN
It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's gonna rain.
CADY
Really? That's amazing.
KAREN
Well, they can tell when it's raining.
——————END SCENE—————————
Scene 1a: “Meeting the Plastics”0:00-1:17
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re5veV2F7eY
Intro: The plastics Regina, Karen and Gretchen invite Cady to sit with them at lunch for the first time.
REGINA
Why don't I know you?
CADY
I'm new. I just moved here from Africa.
REGINA
What?
CADY
I used to be home-schooled.
REGINA
Wait. What?
CADY
My mom taught me at home...
REGINA
No, no. I know what home-school is. I'm not retarded. So you've actually never been to a real school before? Shut up. Shut up!
CADY
I didn't say anything.
REGINA
Home-schooled. That's really interesting.
CADY
Thanks.
REGINA
But you're, like, really pretty.
CADY
Thank you.
REGINA
So you agree.
CADY
What?
REGINA
You think you're really pretty.
CADY
Oh, I don't know…
Regina grabs Cady's arm to look at Cady's bracelet. It's a wide brown leather band with decorative holes punched in it.
REGINA
Oh, my God, I love your bracelet. Where did you get it?
CADY
Oh, my mom made it for me.
REGINA
It's adorable.
GRETCHEN
Oh, it's so fetch.
REGINA
What is "fetch?”
GRETCHEN (can be read by Drue/Swan)
Oh, it's, like, slang. From England.
REGINA
Could you give us some privacy for, like, one second?
CADY
Yeah, sure.
The plastics whisper amongst themselves for like, a second.
REGINA
OK, you should just know that we don't do this a lot, so this is, like, a really huge deal. We wanna invite you to have lunch with us every day for the rest of the week.
CADY
Oh, it's OK...
REGINA
(cuts her off) Coolness. So we'll see you tomorrow.
On Wednesdays, we wear pink.
——————END SCENE—————————
MEAN GIRLS - Scene 2: “The Rules” 0:00 - 1:43
Intro: After inviting Cady to have lunch with them, the Plastics explain “the Rules.” A lot of heavy lifting in this monologue from Gretchen!
CADY
(Voiceover / inner monologue) Having lunch with The Plastics was like leaving the actual world and entering "Girl World." And Girl World had a lot of rules.
GRETCHEN
You can't wear a tank top two days in a row, and you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week… So I guess you picked today.
Oh, and we only wear jeans or track pants on Fridays.
Now, if you break any of these rules, you can't sit with us at lunch.
I mean, not just you. Like, any of us. OK, like, if I was wearing jeans today, I would be sitting over there with the art freaks.
Oh, and we always vote before we ask someone to eat lunch with us because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group. Well, I mean, you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.
CADY
You wouldn’t?
GRETCHEN
Right. Oh, and it's the same with guys. Like, you may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.
So have you seen any guys that you think are cute yet?
CADY
Well, there's this guy in my calculus class...
GRETCHEN
Who is it? It's a senior?
CADY
His name's Aaron Samuels.
GRETCHEN
No! Oh, no, you can't like Aaron Samuels. That's Regina's ex-boyfriend. They went out for a year. Yeah, and then she was devastated when he broke up with her last summer. OK, irregardless. Ex-boyfriends are just off-limits to friends. I mean, that's just, like, the rules of feminism.
Don't worry. I'll never tell Regina what you said. It'll be our little secret.
——————END SCENE—————————
MEAN GIRLS - Scene 3: “Gretchen snaps”0:18-1:20
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ovOboVwB7g
Intro: After Regina shuts down Gretchen’s “fetch” one last time, Gretchen snaps and turns on Regina. Right after the “Jingle Bell Rock” dance performance...
GRETCHEN
That is so fetch!
REGINA
Gretchen, stop trying to make "fetch" happen. It's not going to happen.
Gretchen is noticeably mad and upset. Cut to classroom, where Gretchen is reading her assignment to the whole class. She is still mad and upset.
GRETCHEN
Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet?
What's so great about Caesar? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. OK, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar.
And when did it become OK for one person to be the boss of everybody? Because that's not what Rome is about!
We should totally just stab Caesar!
(Voiceover / inner monologue) Gretchen Weiners had cracked.
Cut to girls school bathroom, where Gretchen tearfully spills more secrets about Regina.
GRETCHEN
OK, if you even knew how mean she really is.
You know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah. Two years ago, she told me that hoop earrings were her thing and that I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for my Hanukkah, my parents got me this pair of really expensive white-gold hoops. And I had to pretend like I didn't even like them, and it was so sad.
——————END SCENE—————————
MEAN GIRLS - Scene 4: Group read - “Who is Regina George?” 0:23-end
Intro: As Cady gets to know her new friends Janis and Damian, we learn all about the infamous Regina George.
JANICE
And that little one? That's Gretchen Wieners.
DAMIAN
She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Strudel.
JANICE
Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business. She knows everything about everyone.
DAMIAN
That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets.
JANICE
And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled, because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality, she is so much more than that.
DAMIAN
She's the queen bee. The star. Those other two are just her little workers.
JANICE
Regina George. How do I even begin to explain Regina George?
STUDENT 1
Regina George is flawless.
STUDENT 2
She has two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus.
STUDENT 3
I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.
STUDENT 4
I hear she does car commercials. In Japan.
STUDENT 5
Her favorite movie is Varsity blues.
STUDENT 6
One time, she met John Stamos on a plane. And he told her she was pretty.
STUDENT 7
One time, she punched me in the face. It was awesome.
——————END SCENE—————————
Scene 5: Group read - “A lot of feelings” 0:22-1:41
Intro: Tina Fey’s character Ms. Norbury has to hold an intervention in the gymnasium with all the girls in school due to the damage caused by the infamous “burn book.”
CADY
(Inner monologue / narration)
Ms. Norbury had us write out apologies to people that we'd hurt in our lives.
STUDENT 1
Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.
KAREN
Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes and Noble. And I'm sorry I told everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
STUDENT 2
Laura, I don't hate you because you're fat. You're fat because I hate you.
STUDENT 3
I just wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school. I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, and we'd all eat it and be happy.
DAMIAM
She doesn't even go here!
MS. NORBURY
Do you even go to this school?
STUDENT 3
No. I just have a lot of feelings.
MS. NORBURY
OK, go home.
PRINCIPAL
Sharon, I think you're doing a great job.
MS. NORBURY
Thanks. I feel like I'm getting through.
GRETCHEN
I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me. But I can't help it that I'm popular.
Gretchen trust falls into the crowd that is backing away with distaste, with only Karen left to catch her. They fall over in a wriggling pile of limbs.
——————END SCENE—————————
Scene 6 (bonus): “You can’t sit with us!”0:00 - 1:43
Intro: Regina breaks the “no sweatpants except on Fridays rule,” so the Plastics turn on her.
3 parts: Regina, Gretchen and Karen
GRETCHEN
Regina, we have to talk to you. Regina, you're wearing sweatpants. It's Monday.
REGINA
So?
KAREN
So that's against the rules and you can't sit with us.
REGINA
Whatever. Those rules aren't real.
KAREN
They were real that day I wore a vest.
REGINA
Because that vest was disgusting.
GRETCHEN
You can't sit with us!
REGINA
These sweatpants are all that fits me right now.
Fine. You can walk home, bitches.
——————END SCENE—————————
#HoldMyPopcorn 🍿 🎥 Week 3
with @DrueKataoka & @SwanSit Hollywood’s best kept secret: The Room where STARS are born. Hilarious group readings. Virtuoso solo performances. Listen to & deliver iconic movie scenes with lots & lots of attitude. Join us on stage or listen in and laugh with us.
CLICK HERE to sign up! Limited spots. First come - first serve.
This week, Wednesday August 19th at 7pm, the movie scenes are from:
Back to the Future (entire script here)
Scene 1: “The Flux Capacitor”
Marty: Ha, what did I tell you, eighty-eight miles per hour. The temporal
displacement occurred at exactly 1:20 a.m. and zero seconds.
Marty: Hot, Jesus Christ, Doc. Jesus Christ, Doc, you disintegrated
Einstein.
Doc: Calm down, Marty, I didn't disintegrate anything. The molecular
structure of Einstein and the car are completely intact.
Marty: Where the hell are they.
Doc: The appropriate question is, when the hell are they. Einstein
has just become the world's first time traveler. I sent him into the future. One minute into
the future to be exact.
And at exactly 1:21 a.m. we should catch up with him and the time
machine.
Marty: Wait a minute, wait a minute, Doc, are you telling me that you
built a time machine out of a deloreon.
Doc: The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car
why not do it with some style. Besides, the stainless, steel construction made the flux
dispersal- look out.
Marty: What, what is it hot?
Doc: It's cold, damn cold. Ha, ha, ha, Einstein, you little devil.
Einstein's clock is exactly one minute behind mine, it's still ticking.
Marty: He's alright.
Doc: He's fine, and he's completely unaware that anything happened. As
far as he's concerned the trip was instantaneous. That's why Einstein's watch is exactly one
minute behind mine. He skipped over that minute to instantly arrive at this moment in time.
Come here, I'll show you how it works. First, you turn the time circuits on. This readout tell
you where you're going, this one tells you where you are, this one tells you where you were. You
input the destination time on this keypad. Say, you wanna see the signing of the declaration of
independence, or witness the birth of Christ. Here's a red-letter date in the history of science,
November 5, 1955. Yes, of course, November 5, 1955.
Marty: What, I don't get what happened.
Doc: That was the day I invented time travel. I remember it vividly. I
was standing on the edge of my toilet hanging a clock, the porcelain was wet, I slipped, hit my head
on the edge of the sink. And when I came to I had a revelation, a picture, a picture in my head,
a picture of this. This is what makes time travel possible. The flux capacitor.
Marty: The flux capacitor.
Doc: It's taken me almost thirty years and my entire family fortune to
realize the vision of that day, my god has it been that long. Things have certainly changed around
here. I remember when this was all farmland as far as the eye could see. Old man Peabody,
owned all of this.
He had this crazy idea about breeding pine trees.
Marty: This is uh, this is heavy duty, Doc, this is great. Uh, does it
run on regular unleaded gasoline?
Doc: Unfortunately no, it requires something with a little more kick,
plutonium.
Marty: Uh, plutonium, wait a minute, are you telling me that this
sucker's nuclear?
Doc: Hey, hey, keep rolling, keep rolling there. No, no, no, no, this
sucker's electrical. But I need a nuclear reaction to generate the one point twenty-one gigawatts
of electricity that I need.
Marty: Doc, you don't just walk into a store and ask for plutonium. Did
you rip this off?
Doc: Of course, from a group of Libyan Nationalists. They wanted me to
build them a bomb, so
I took their plutonium and in turn gave them a shiny bomb case full of
used pinball machine parts.
Marty: Jesus.Scene 2: “I’m from the Future”
Marty: Doc?
Doc: Don't say a word.
Marty: Doc. Doc: I don't wanna know your name. I don't wanna know anything anything about you.
Marty: Listen, Doc.
Doc: Quiet.
Marty: Doc, Doc, it's me, Marty.
Doc: Don't tell me anything.
Marty: Doc, you gotta help-
Doc: Quiet, quiet. I'm gonna read your thoughts. Let's see now, you've come from a great distance?
Marty: Yeah, exactly.
Doc: Don't tell me. Uh, you want me to buy a subscription to the Saturday Evening Post?
Marty: No. Doc: Not a word, not a word, not a word now. Quiet, uh, donations, you want me to make a donation to the coast guard youth auxiliary?
Marty: Doc, I'm from the future. I came here in a time machine that you invented. Now, I need your help to get back to the year 1985.
Doc: My god, do you know what this means? It means that this damn thing doesn't work at all.
Marty: Doc, you gotta help me. you were the only one who knows how your time machine works.
Doc: Time machine, I haven't invented any time machine.
Marty: Okay, alright, I'll prove it to you. Look at my driver's license, expires 1987. Look at my birthday, for crying out load I haven't even been born yet. And, look at this picture, my brother, my sister, and me. Look at the sweatshirt, Doc, class of 1984.
Doc: Pretty Mediocre photographic fakery, they cut off your brother's hair.
Marty: I'm telling the truth, Doc, you gotta believe me.
Doc: So tell me, future boy, who's president of the United States in 1985?
Marty: Ronald Reagon.
Doc: Ronald Reagon, the actor? Then who's vice president, Jerry Lewis? I suppose Jane Wymann is the first lady.
Marty: Whoa, wait, Doc.
Doc: And Jack Benny is secretary of the Treasury.
Marty: Look, you gotta listen to me.
Doc: I got enough practical jokes for one evening. Good night, future boy.
Marty: No wait, Doc, the bruise, the bruise on your head, I know how that happened, you told me the whole story. you were standing on your toilet and you were hanging a clock, and you fell, and you hit your head on the sink, and that's when you came up with the idea for the flux capacitor, which makes time travel possible.
Marty: Something wrong with the starter, so I hid it. Doc: After I fell off my toilet, I drew this.
Marty: Flux capacitor. Doc: It works, ha ha ha ha, it works. I finally invent something that works. Marty: Bet your ass it works.
Scene 3: Calvin Klein
Marty: Mom, is that you?
Lorraine: There, there, now, just relax. You've been asleep for almost
nine hours now.
Marty: I had a horrible nightmare, dreamed I went back in time, it was
terrible.
Lorraine: Well, safe and sound, now, n good old 1955.
Marty: 1955? You're my ma- you're my ma.
Lorraine: My name's Lorraine, Lorraine Baines.
Marty: Yeah, but you're uh, you're so, you're so thin.
Lorraine: Just relax now Calvin, you've got a big bruise on you're head.
Marty: Ah, where're my pants?
Lorraine: Over there, on my hope chest. I've never seen purple underwear
before, Calvin.
Marty: Calvin, why do you keep calling me Calvin?
Lorraine: Well that's your name, isn't it? Calvin Klein. it's written
all over your underwear. Oh,
I guess they call you Cal, huh?
Marty: Actually, people call me Marty.
Lorraine: Oh, pleased to meet you, Calvin Marty Klein. Do you mind if I
sit here?
Marty: No, fine, no , good, fine, good.Scene 4: BIFF - “Hello Anybody home??”
Lou: Are you gonna order something, kid?
Marty: Yeah, gimme a Tab.
Lou: Tab? I can't give you a tab unless you order something.
Marty: Right, gimme a Pepsi free.
Lou: You wanna a Pepsi, pall, you're gonna pay for it.
Marty: Well just gimme something without any sugar in it, okay?
Lou: Without any sugar.
Biff: Hey McFly, what do you think you're doing.
Marty: Biff.
Biff: Hey I'm talking to you, McFly, you Irish bug.
George: Oh hey, Biff, hey, guys, how are you doing?
Biff: Yeah, you got my homework finished, McFly?
George: Uh, well, actually, I figured since it wasn't due till Monday-
Biff: Hello, hello, anybody home? Think, McFly, think. I gotta have time
to recopy it. Do your
realize what would happen if I hand in my homework in your handwriting?
I'd get kicked out of
school. You wouldn't want that to happen would you, would you?
George: Now, of course not, Biff, now, I wouldn't want that to happen.
Biff: Uh, no, no, no, no. What are you looking at, butt-head?
Skinhead: Hey Biff, check out this guy's life preserver, dork thinks
he's gonna drown.
Biff: Yeah, well, how about my homework, McFly?
George: Uh, well, okay Biff, uh, I'll finish that on up tonight and I'll
bring it over first thing
tomorrow morning.
Biff: Hey not too early I sleep in Sunday's, hey McFly, you're shoe's
untied, don't be so gullible,
McFly.
George: Okay.END=============================
Got what it takes? CLICK HERE to sign up & nab a scene! Limited spots. First come - first serve.
This week, Wednesday August 5th at 7pm, the movie scenes are from:
The Princess Bride
Anchorman
Review the scenes below. We’ll see you on stage soon! “The Academy” thanks you!
Scene 1: Princess Bride - A Battle of Wits
Youtube: 0:08 to 1:05
VIZZINI
Soooooo, it is down to you. And it is down to me?
If you wish her dead, by all means keep moving forward.
MAN IN BLACK
Let me explain-
VIZZINI
-- there's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.
MAN IN BLACK
Perhaps an arrangement can be reached.
VIZZINI
There will be no arrangement --
-- and you're killing her!
MAN IN BLACK
But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
VIZZINI
I'm afraid so -- I can't compete with you physically.
And you're no match for my brains.
MAN IN BLACK
You're that smart?
VIZZINI
Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
MAN IN BLACK
Yes.
VIZZINI
MORONS!!!!
MAN IN BLACK
Really? In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
VIZZINI
For the Princess? To the death?
I accept!!!!!!!
Scene 2: Princess Bride - Wesley & Buttercup Reunited
Youtube starting at 0:00 and going to 1:06
BUTTERCUP
I know who you are -- your cruelty reveals everything.
You're the Dread Pirate Roberts;
admit it.
MAN IN BLACK (bowing)
With pride. What can I do for you?
BUTTERCUP
You can die slowly cut into a
thousand pieces.
MAN IN BLACK
Hardly complimentary, Your
Highness. Why loose your venom on
me?
BUTTERCUP
You killed my love.
MAN IN BLACK
It's possible; I kill a lot of
people. Who was this love of
yours? Another Prince, like this
one, ugly, rich, and scabby?
BUTTERCUP
No. A farm boy. Poor. Poor and
perfect, with eyes like the sea
after a storm.
On the high seas, your ship
attacked, and the Dread Pirate
Roberts never takes prisoners.
MAN IN BLACK
(explaining as a teacher might)
I can't afford to make exceptions.
Once word leaks out that a pirate
has gone soft, people begin to
disobey you, and then it's
nothing but work, work, work, all
the time.
BUTTERCUP
You mock my pain!
MAN IN BLACK
Life is pain, Highness. Anyone
who says differently is selling
something.
Scene 3: Princess Bride - To The Death
0-1:39 minutes of the clip below
HUMPERDINCK
To the death.
WESTLEY
NO!
To the pain.
HUMPERDINCK
I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
WESTLEY
I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you wart-hog-faced buffoon.
HUMPERDINCK
That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
WESTLEY
It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet,
below the ankles,
then your hands at the wrists, next your nose.
HUMPERDINCK
-- and then my tongue, I suppose.
I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
WESTLEY
I wasn't finished -- the next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right --
HUMPERDINCK
-- and then my ears, I understand.
Let's get on with it
WESTLEY
Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why --
-- so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness
will be yours to cherish -- every babe that weeps at your approach,
every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears.
That is what "to the pain" means.
It means I leave you in anguish,
wallowing in freakish misery forever.
HUMPERDINCK (fearful)
I think you're bluffing --
WESTLEY
It's possible------- PIG -- I might be bluffing -- it's conceivable-----you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand -- then again, perhaps I have the strength after all.
Scene 4: Princess Bride - Miracle Max
Youtube: 0:00 - 0:55
LITTLE OLD GUY
Go away!
MIRACLE MAX
What? What?
INIGO
Are you the Miracle Max who
worked for the King all those
years?
MIRACLE MAX
The King's stinking son fired me.
And thank you so much for bringing
up such a painful subject. While
you're at it, why don't you give
me a nice paper cut and pour
lemon juice on it? We're closed!
He shuts the window. They rap on the door.
MIRACLE MAX
(opening the window)
Beat it or I'll call the Brute
Squad.
FEZZIK
I'm on the Brute Squad.
MIRACLE MAX
(looking at the Giant)
You are the Brute Squad.
INIGO
We need a miracle. It's very
important.
MIRACLE MAX
Look, I'm retired. And besides,
why would you want someone the
King's stinking son fired? I
might kill whoever you wanted me
to miracle.
INIGO
He's already dead.
MIRACLE MAX
(for the first time, interested)
He is, eh? I'll take a look.
Bring him in.
Scene 5: Anchorman - “I’m kind of a big deal.”
Veronica: Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman. Now, if you'll excuse me. [She starts to leave.]
Ron: Do you know who I am?
Veronica: No, I - I can't say that I do.
Ron: I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal.
Veronica: Really?
Ron: People know me.
Veronica: Well, I'm very happy for you.
Ron: I'm very important. Uh, I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I - I - I'm friends with Merlin Olsen, too. He….comes over on occasion. [He laughs.]…….. That's stupid.
Veronica: No, no, that's . . . very exciting.
Scene 6: Anchorman - “I love poetry.”
Youtube starting at 0:18-0:57
ANGRY BIKER
What the hell, bro'?
RON BURGUNDY
Hello, neighbor!!
ANGRY BIKER
Did you just throw a burrito out your window???? Huh???
RON BURGUNDY
I believe I did.
ANGRY BIKER
What—are you high or something?
Did you see what happened?
RON BURGUNDY
I did. That was a terrific little spill.
That's quite a raspberry.
ANGRY BIKER
That's my chopper you just thrashed, BRO-seph.
RON BURGUNDY
Easy, compadre. I'm your friend out here, all right?
ANGRY BIKER
I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your GOOFY ass!
RON BURGUNDY
If you want to throw down, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you. Right here!!
ANGRY BIKER
You destroyed the only thing I love.
All right? There it is.
What do you love?
RON BURGUNDY
I love poetry.
And a glass of Scotch!!
END
=====================================
Wednesday August 5th at 7pm, the movie scenes are from:
Pretty Woman
Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back
Review the scenes below. We’ll see you on stage soon! “The Academy” thanks you!
Scene 1: Pretty Woman, Edward & Vivian: “I'm sorry I ever met you.”
From the 1:27 to 2:31 minutes in the clip.
EDWARD
You all right ?
VIVIAN
I'm fine.
EDWARD
Fine. That's good. Seven «fines» since we left the match.
Could I have another word, please ?
VIVIAN
Asshole ! There's a word.
EDWARD
I think I liked «fine» better.
VIVIAN
You know what ? Just tell me one thing : Why did you make me get all dressed up ?
EDWARD
Well, for one thing, the clothing was appropriate.
VIVIAN
No, what I mean is, if you were gonna tell everybody I'm a hooker, - why didn't you just let me wear my own clothes, okay ?
EDWARD
I did not... I did not...
VIVIAN
I mean, in my own clothes, when someone like that guy Stuckey comes up to me, I can handle it, I'm prepared.
EDWARD
I'm very sorry. I'm not happy with Stuckey at all for saying or doing that. But he is my attorney. I've known him for ten years.
He thought you were some kind of an industrial spy. The guy's paranoid.
VIVIAN
What are you, my pimp now?
You know, you think you can pass me around to your friends ? I'm not some little toy !
EDWARD
Look, you're not my toy, I know you're not my toy.
Vivian ! Vivian, I'm speaking to you. Come back here !
I hate to point out the obvious, but you are, in fact, a hooker !
And you are my employee !
VIVIAN
Look, you don't own me. I decide, okay ?
I say who.
I say when.
I... I say who...
EDWARD
I refuse to spend the next three days fighting with you. I said I was sorry. I meant it. That's the end of it !
VIVIAN
I'm sorry I ever met you.
I'm sorry I ever got into your stupid car !
EDWARD
As if you had so many more appealing options.
VIVIAN
I've never had anyone make me feel as cheap as you did today.
Scene 2: Pretty Woman, Vivian & Saleswoman: “I don’t think we have anything for you.”
Scroll below for script
SALESWOMAN # 1
May I help you ?
VIVIAN
Well, I'm just checking things out.
SALESWOMAN # 1
Are you looking for something in particular ?
VIVIAN
No. Well, yeahhh. Uh... something... conservative.
You got nice stuff!!
SALESWOMAN # 1
Thank you.
VIVIAN
How much is this ?
SALESWOMAN # 1
I don't think this would fit you.
VIVIAN
Well, I didn't ask if it would fit. I asked how much it was.
SALESWOMAN # 1
How much is this, Marie ?
SALESWOMAN # 2
It's very expensive.
SALESWOMAN # 1
It's very expensive.
VIVIAN
Look, I got money to spend in here.
SALESWOMAN # 1
I don't think we have anything for you. You're obviously in the wrong place. Please leave.
Scene 3: Pretty Woman, Vivian & Saleswomen: “BIG Mistake. Big. Huge.”
Scroll below for script
VIVIAN
Hi.
SALESWOMAN # 1
Hello!
(broadly smiling)
VIVIAN
Do you remember me ?
SALESWOMAN # 1
No, I'm sorry.
VIVIAN
I was in here yesterday. You wouldn't wait on me.
SALESWOMAN # 1
Oh.
VIVIAN
You work on commission, right ?
SALESWOMAN # 1
Uh, yes.
Vivian shows her all the bags she is carrying.
VIVIAN
BIG mistake. BIG. HUGE!!!! I have to go shopping now.
She walks away, leaving the saleswoman with a very surprised look on her face. The volume of the music goes back up.
Scene 4: Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back, “Do. Or do not. There is no try.“
Scroll below for script
LUKE
Oh, no. We'll never get it out now.
YODA
So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
LUKE
Master, moving stones around is one thing. This is totally different.
YODA
No! No different! Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned.
LUKE
All right, I'll give it a try.
YODA
No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
Luke closes his eyes and concentrates on thinking the ship out. Slowly, the X-wing's nose begins to rise above the water. It hovers for a moment and then slides back, disappearing once again.
LUKE
(panting heavily)
I can't. It's too big.
YODA
Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you?
Hmmmmm?????
Mmmm.
LUKE
Luke shakes his head.
YODA
And well you should not. For my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings
are we...
... not this crude matter.
(a sweeping gesture)
You must feel the Force around you.
Here, between you... me... the
tree... the rock... everywhere!
Yes, even between the land and the ship!
LUKE
(discouraged)
You want the impossible.
Quietly Yoda turns toward the X-wing fighter. The entire X-wing moves majestically, surely, toward the shore.
LUKE
I don't... I don't believe it.
YODA
That is why you fail.